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The 2008 NBA Draft diary - let's go


The 2008 NBA Draft Diary, sponsored by our good friends at Get Like Me & Talk Hoops.

6:34 - Just finished working out. My legs feel like molasses; not trying to be Ed The Fat Man...

6:47 - Arrived at my local Subway looking for an oven roasted chicken breast sandwich. Had the pleasure to witness the two Subway workers have a heated discussion with two customers inquiring about a job at Subway.

Wretched Creature Number One - "You don't start at $7.00? Nuh uh, I can't get down with that. What y'all get?"

Subway Slave Number One - "$6.25"

Wretched Creature Number Two - "$6.25? Hell naw girl, I can't gets with that. I can't be making less than a chicken teriyaki foot long!"

(walking away in search of hope and prayer.)

6:58 - Walk into the house and turn on the tube to see Dickie V calling Rose and Beasley Diaper Dandies. If Miami doesn't draft Beasley, Pat Riley and Co. are gonna need a diaper after Beasley sh*ts on them next season.

7:07 - My frat brother Stu Scott's lazy eye don't look too bad tonight.

7:16 - Big ups to OJ Mayo rocking the three-piece, then Jay Bilas conveniently mentions that Brook Lopez has somehow been in school longer and yet is younger than Mayo. Hmmmmm....

7:23 - My roommate, lets call him "Roker," calls to ask me who did Chicago draft. He's unaware that the pre-draft special actually started at 7pm with the draft starting at around 7:30. Is this a way to help black folks make it, due to CP time? Lol...okay, don't laugh.

7:30 - The NBA Draft intro begins. Brook Lopez looks like an extra puppet character from The Muppet Show.

7:31 - David Stern is booed mercilessly. The Draft has begun.

7:32 - Chicago's on the clock. If John Paxson and the Bulls can trade Hinrich and one of his young players (Tyrus Thomas? Sefolosha?) for a decent post man or another draft pick, then the Bulls are ready (Celia, I'm praying for you.)

7:37 - Bulls take Derrick Rose. The city of Chicago brings home its prodigal son. Miami's on the clock. Now the fun begins.

If Miami doesn't pick Beasley, they deserve all credit in the world if it works for them. Otherwise, shame on them.

7:42 - Miami takes Beasley. They'll be in the playoffs next year; count on it. If they trade Marion for Brand, they'll be in the Eastern Conference Finals. Dwyane Wade, feel good about yourself, sir.

Now, Minnesota's on the clock. Do you all really want Mayo? I would think you'd want someone to put alongside Jefferson, not clog your backcourt with Foye, McCants, Brewer and Mayo? Smarten up, Nas; I mean Kevin McHale.

7:48 - Timberwolves take OJ Mayo. Dude looks like he's 37 years old with the three-piece suit and two-tone dress shoes. What? You said he is 37? No way...

**Sidebar - Okay, lets be real. If you don't know the story, OJ Mayo and former high school teammate Bill Walker were held back in middle school ON PURPOSE, because they knew that by being a year older, they would be more physically capable of dominating in high school. Mayo then single-handedly chose USC, because he knew he would get tick, get shine in L.A., and play under a NBA coach in Tim Floyd. I dunno if that's sheer intelligence and pimping the system or utter stupidity. After seeing OJ's endorsement money and paycheck from Minnesota, I'm going with intelligence.

7:54 - Seattle picks Russell Westbrook from UCLA. WOW...didn't see that one coming. First of all, Westbrook is a BEAST! But...dude didn't even start at UCLA, and he has a shaky handle and shaky jumper. Essentially, you're drafting a more physical Rajon Rondo at number four. Four? I dunno. But I like Westbrook. He's a real problem.

7:57 - Russell Westbrook looks like he's 14.

7:58 - Kevin Durant looks like he's 13.

7:59 - The Chris Wallaces are on the clock--I mean the Grizzlies.

8:01 - The Memphis Grizzlies select Kevin Love from UCLA. He'll be okay; think Brad Miller. However, please tell ESPN to stop showing us full-court shots and talking about outlet passes. Somehow, I have a feeling Memphis will be better next year. In the D-League. Seriously, do you think Memphis could win the NBDL title? I say the Tulsa 66ers get 'em in the Finals.

8:02 - The New York Knicks are on the clock. Please let them pick Danilo Gallinari, so I can see an Italian literally turn into linguini.

8:06 - (Knicks fans begin to jeer and cheer...) The New York Knicks take Danilo Gallinari.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

Seriously, I hope he's good. Fran Fraschilla keeps telling us he's tougher than your average European player. That's like saying he's stronger than wet toilet paper. The dude played for Armani Jeans Milan! That's gotta be one of the greatest connects of all-time. They better start calling him Danny G real quick and take him to the Rucker and get him a nickname, like The Mozzarella Monster or something.

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!!!!

8:12 - Totally forgot that the L.A. Clippers were on the clock. This is where the hilarity is supposed to ensue.

8:13 - The Clippers take Eric Gordon from Indiana. Corey Maggette, Shaun Livingston...might want to start looking for a new place. Okay, one thing. These people keep saying that Eric Gordon is a lights-out shooter, yet he shot 33%? I know he hurt his wrist, but it is his non-shooting wrist. Just tell me he's a good scorer. Potentially one of the best picks in the draft. I think he'll be like John Starks.

8:16 - Knicks GM Donnie Walsh looks like an extra from the Sopranos. Looks like he just downed a fifth of red wine.

8:18 - Milwaukee selects Joe Alexander from West Virginia. I dunno about this one. I think the jury's still out on him. He's pretty good.

8:28 - Had to take a leak. The Bobcats draft DJ Augustin. I think this is a great pick. His D is suspect, but he's ultra-quick, got a good jumper and can be a floor leader. I think not taking Brook Lopez was the right move. See what Sean May has left in the tank, play Gerald Wallace at the three, and get Morrison healthy and see what the JordanCats can do.

8:30 - The Brooklyn Nets...not yet? The New Jersey Nets select Brook Lopez from Stanford. Seeing his twin, Robin, makes me smile, in a "Dude, you look funny as hell" kind of way. Coincidentally, they keep saying he has a mean streak. Kinda sounds like dude from Encino Man and a surfer who got too much sun.

8:31 - The Indiana Pacers are on the clock.

DRAFT JERRYD BAYLESS!!!! NOW! DO IT! DO IT! Look, as I said earlier, I'm not sure about TJ Ford. He's proven that he works with a complementary backup PG behind him. Trade TINSLEY, NOW!!! Draft Bayless, you can play him at the one or the two, giving you the option of going small with Dunleavy, Ford, Granger and player X. Please, basketball Gods. Don't let me down...

8:35 - PACERS DRAFT BAYLESS! We're going to the Finals! WOO-HOO!!!!

Okay, maybe not. But dude is raw. I'm a big fan of the Arizona program, and he's rocking that Arenas number "0." And he's got a killer instinct, something we need at Indiana. I need a drink...

8:39 - Ciroc Vodka (thanks, Diddy) and Cranberry. Yessir.

8:41 - Sacramento Kings select Jason Thompson from Rider University. Sacto...better luck next year. Your frontcourt is an old Brad Miller, who might be on the trading block, Spencer Hawes, and Shelden Williams? They probably had Bayless in their dreams, because Udrih's gone after this summer. I dunno, Sacto.

8:46 - Portland selects Brandon Rush from Kansas. The city of Portland has banned Kareem and Jaron Rush from their city limits.

8:51 - Anthony Randolph goes to Golden State. Dude weighs less than the toilet paper I wipe my @$$ with. He could kill for Golden State; we'll see.

8:56 - 10 minute conversation with my girl about what she wants for dinner. That was fun.

8:57 - The Phoenix Suns take Robin Lopez from Stanford. Somehow I see Shaq punching him in the face during practice at last 37 times.

So what does Phoenix do now? They've got 74-year-old Steve Nash and 77-year-old freestyler Shaquille "Tell Me How My @$$ tastes" O'Neal. Plus, Grant "If I sneeze too hard I'll injure myself" Hill and a bunch of role players. Now you had a player who wasn't even the best basketball player in his house on the squad? Plus they have a new coach in Terry Porter? I wouldn't be surprised if Phoenix didn't make the playoffs in '08, and then Shaq punches Robin Lopez 37 times in the face, then freestyles about it. Hey Robin, tell me how my fist tastes!

9:04 - Philly takes Marreese Speights. Dude is pretty good, but I tried spelling his name at least four times before I got it right.

9:08 - Indiana's (Toronto) up again, I've heard Kosta Koufos. I hope its someone else.

Indiana (Toronto) takes Roy Hibbert. I would've rather had Koufos. I need another drink.

(Ciroc and Cranberry, ahhhhh....)

9:15 - Indiana trades Jerryd Bayless and Ike Diogu for Brandon Rush and Jarrett Jack. Sigh...

(3rd Ciroc and Cranberry, TV's getting fuzzy...)

I'm not gonna go into detail on this, but I'm not happy. I had a vision for this squad, and its literally going down the tubes. Okay, maybe you can go Ford, Rush, Dunleavy, Granger, and Player X (Hibbert? Ugh...) I dunno, I wish the Trail Blazers were my favorite team...

9:19 - Darrell Arthur is chewing that gum like its no tomorrow. His temples are moving everytime he chews. Amazing.

9:20 - The Cleveland Cavaliers draft JJ Hickson. LeBron starts looking for places in the New York tri-state area...

9:26 - Charlotte takes Alexis Ajinca. Michael Jordan wakes up from his nap. "What? We picked Alexis Afinka?"

9:35 - My boy S.A. dropped by. He's shocked by the turn of events. Kiki Vandeweghe is being interviewed by ESPN. Thank God he's a basketball player, because imagine if he was a hot dog salesman or something? Would be the worst.

9:55 - Mom called me about something. I was not focused looking at Nicolas Batum highlights...

Okay, folks. I'm done. I'm going out to BlackFinn to drink my life away. SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS and let me know what you think.

AFTERTHOUGHTS

Mayo goes to Memphis, K. Love goes to Minnesota. Kevin go and learn all the McHale moves you can immediately. You're gonna need 'em. As far as Memphis, if they rock Conley, Mayo, Gay at the 1-3 then they aren't bad...if they only had a post player. What? They had Pau Gasol? Never...

Poor Darrell Arthur (yeah, right.) Not only was he the last person picked out of the green room, but then he got traded THREE TIMES!! I wonder if this will signify his career...he might be the next coveted expiring contract!

Chris Douglas-Roberts going all the way at #40 is sheer stupidity. Good job by the Nets on scooping him up. He could start for them right now.

Big ups to J.R. Giddens (from Oklahoma City) being drafted #30 (reach) by the Boston Celtics. Let it be noted that Giddens is the only person to beat LeBron James in a dunk contest.

To the L.A. Clippers and drafting DeAndre Jordan at #35, which is mind-boggling, because he was projected as a lottery pick. Who basically said, "If we're gonna draft someone who's being compared to Michael Olowakandi, at least let's draft him in the second round."

Sonny Weems (Chicago) from Arkansas will be in the '09 slam dunk contest and will win it.

To Deron Washington (Detroit): I hope you make the Pistons roster, because brother, you gave me and college basketball fans enjoyment from watching you dunk mercilessly on your foes.

To recap, this is what folks in the financial realm would call "A Bullish Market," meaning that a lot of the players drafted are being taken on the hope that their potential will rise and flourish. Teams drafted more by player optimism, confidence and the expectation to produce now. I think it'll be an interesting couple of months this offseason. There will be more moves made.

Indiana...you better know what you're doing. Bird, I got my eyes on you!


-Ed.

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