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MAN! If you didn't happen to see the Detroit Shock vs. LA Sparks game last night (you know you had it setup on the DVR, didn't you?), then you missed out on truly great drama, action, and utter comedy. The Brawl II occured when Candace (my mistress) Parker and Plenette Pierson got into it. Carnage ensued. Let Ed break it down for you...

First off, (courtesy of Yahoo!) Candace Parker wanted to focus on all of the good parts of the Los Angeles Sparks’ win over the Detroit Shock. Unfortunately, it will be the final five seconds that everyone else is going to remember. Parker was one of three players ejected along with Detroit assistant coach Rick Mahorn after an ugly scuffle with 4.6 seconds left in Los Angeles’ 84-81 victory. “To be honest, I don’t recall exactly what happened,” said Parker, who led Los Angeles with 21 points. “I’ll have to watch the tape.”

After the second free-throw, Parker got tangled up with Detroit’s Plenette Pierson and fell to the ground. As she was getting up, Pierson got froggy and ran up on Candace, setting off the melee. Parker speared her like Goldberg from the WCW and blows were thrown. Parker threw a punch at Pierson before being tackled by Detroit’s Deanna Nolan. Players and coaches from both teams joined in. Overall carnage ensued.

Mahorn knocked Lisa Leslie to the court at one point. Looked like he said, "Is Rick Mahorn gone have to slap a b*tch?"

B*tch better have my money!

Cheryl Ford tore her ACL (inconclusive at this point) trying to breakup the fight. Had to be carted off on a wheelchair. Classic.

For the record, Candace Parker is now the most gangsta, finest, and devious female basketball player in the planet. I love her. She's a dream. Plenette Pierson's got some heart for running up on CP3 like that. Karl Malone should be ashamed of himself, letting his daughter tear her ACL and she DIDN'T EVEN THROW A PUNCH! Rick Mahorn was definitely a pimp in his former life. He barely touched Lisa Leslie (who is 6'6" by the way), and she flew to the ground after a phantom backhand from the Former Bad Boy Enforcer. Then, like 3-4 Sparks players were hitting him and he just stood there like the Juggernaut. "Do you know who the f*ck I am. Yeah, I'm Rick Mahorn, b*tch!"

(sorry for the multiple b*tch references, but me and my roommate made the decision that if the Pistons can be called the "Bad Boys" then the Detroit Shock can definitely be called the "Bad B*tches". This is marketing genius, and I should get paid for it. I take cash, check, money order, and paypal.)

And one last thing that you might've overlooked. This brawl happened IN THE SAME BUILDING as the Pacers vs. Pistons brawl, aka The Malice at the Palace. Where no one ever mentions Ben Wallace shoving Ron Artest hard as hell, where Ron Artest got hit with a cup of beer, went into the stands and hit the wrong person. Someone molly-whopped (everyone in the South knows that that means, def. molly-whopped - destroyed, punched fiercely, otherwise obliterated) Fred Jones, Jermaine O'Neal and Stephen Jackson slayed at least 6-7 Pistons fans, and Ron Artest was walking off the court, a fan ran up, and he DESTROYED him. Truly an amazing moment in my life. Why?

Because this was my favorite Pacers team. We were loaded. We still had Reggie giving a major contribution, even though he was in decline. Jermaine was Mr. 20/10. Ron Artest was the most feared defender in the league. Stephen Jackson was the third-most feared defender in the league (number two being Bowen), Tinsley wasn't shooting people and top five in assists, and we still had Al Harrington, Jon Bender, Jeff Foster, Austin Croshere, and Fred Jones on the bench. We were loaded and at the time, had the best record in the NBA. Suspensions ensued, injuries were had, players were traded away.

I'll miss you, 2004-05 Pacers. The Malice at the Palace will never erase what that team meant for me. I'd take Stephen Jackson as a teammate any day. Here's the entire brawl on YouTube.

**Ed will be taking a break as he will be in Las Vegas celebrating his 25th birthday this weekend. I will be attending the Team USA vs. Canada game on Friday, so look for me in the crowd! Full details to follow. Get at me!**


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