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A Piece of Advice...You're Not Going To Win Your Office Pool

I've been trying to wrap my fingers around this crazy NCAA Basketball season. There have been great games, memorable moments, and breakout players & performances that have captivated fans once again. If there is anything I have learned from this, it is one thing...


Seriously, we've had FIVE teams ranked #1 SIX times this year, and they are dropping like Plies. Oops, I mean flies. (Look, I don't like Plies...I just don't. I mean, he's a fraud and he's like 5'5" and calls himself a goon, yet he attended school at Miami University in Ohio. I'm sorry.) Also, lets realize that 3 of the teams lost to unranked foes. (UNC lost to BC, Wake lost to VTech, Pitt lost to Providence) So you feel comfortable with UConn, especially after losing Jermaine Dyson?? North Carolina, who plays like the 2005-08 Pistons who feel like they can turn the switch "on" at any moment? Pitt, who once you start actually showing them some love, they lose. They need to stay under appreciated. Duke? Hell naw, I DEFINITELY don't trust Duke. Period. Wake? Same as Pitt, stay under appreciated. My beloved Oklahoma Sooners hasn't faced a quality opponent since they played Butler and Davidson back in November, now they've lost their last 2 games with '09 Player of the Year candidate Blake Griffin against Texas and Kansas, so how do you feel about them? Memphis at 24-3, are they really any good? Who have they beaten all season, Gonzaga? Tennessee?

As you can see I am flabbergasted, I usually am looking forward to playing my 27 brackets and losing hoards of money in the process. Let it be noted right now that I have never won or have known anyone to actually win a bracket. Its always like a co-worker's wife's sister, or your friend's nephew, or your frat brother's 7-year old niece. At this point, I'm going to call my mother and ask her to pick my bracket. I remember last year, when all 4 #1's got to the final four, I think I got 2nd to last in our pool. WTF! I can't deal. So here's my piece of advice, play in your tournament pool at your own risk. Play so you can have fun, don't actually think of winning. If you read this site, then the probability is that you know what goes on in college basketball. By watching all of these games, you have skewed your brain into actually believing who is good and really isn't good. You will make horrible choices. Here are a couple of theories you will use during your bracket selection.

The George Mason Corollary - You will have watched Drexel, Utah State, and Northeastern and somehow believe that they will go to the Elite 8. It ain't happening. You thought George Mason was the gym teacher you had in 4th grade with the shag curl that always looked dry a la Michael Cage.

Picking All The Favorites Theory - You idiot. Do you realize that for the first time in tournament history since seeding began, the top seeded team from each of the four regionals made it to the final four? You think that this is going to happen again?

The Homer - I have always fallen victim to this one, you think I'm not going to be picking Oklahoma all the way to the Final 4? Do you blame me? They are really good. Yet, more than likely they'll lose to The Albuquerque Community College for the Mentally Disabled State University A.M.E. Church of Latter Day Saints in the 1st round. It always happens. It'll happen again, there will be a major upset in the first 2 rounds.

The Statistical Deviant - I personally think my dude Antone will use this one, you know there's that guy that has random excel sheets that factor in strength of schedule, home vs. away records, point differential, and drug charges all factored into some stat rating and thinks he's got it all figured out. Dude, we all remember #15 Hampton beat #2 Iowa State. Stuff happens.

So what does it all mean? It means, go get you a bottle of your favorite hard liquor, throw on some good music and make like 5 brackets. At least you can blame the drink on your brackets going up in flames within 4 hours.



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