Unsportsmanlike Conduct - Every Monday, Ed The Sports Fan brings you the biggest names over the past week so that you can be thoroughly entertained like when you saw Craig Sager's suit and thought he looked like the white version of A Pimp Named Slickback. Maybe A Pimp Named Sager? WTF...
1. Allen Iverson Cut The Braids. Hairbraiders lose all motivation – I was shocked. It was kinda like how you see a really fine actress/singer/entertainer without makeup, its the kind of double-take that you don't anticipate, yet your completely bamboozled by it. You can tell the man was been so consistent with his braid-game, that he now has a permanent Larry Johnson-esque part in the front of his head now. Crazy thing is, AI now looks 14 vs. 17 now with the taper fade. First Melo, now AI. Next thing you know we're gonna see Ben Wallace with a baldy, yet no one will actually realize its Ben Wallace and think an obscene orangutan has just been let loose in the public.
2. Nate Robinson Steals Again, This Time From Superman – Ok first of all, if you don't agree that Nate Robinson ROBBED Andre Igudoala in the 2007 Slam Dunk contest then you should hit Alt-F4 right now. Ok, don't do that as that will close out your Internet browser, but you see my point. Lets look at the catalog of 4 dunks that Nate did on Saturday night.
Dunk #1 - Off the bounce windmill dunk, very good, not great. Dunk #2 - Step off the back dunk, horrible. Dunk #3 - Off the bounce cock-back between the legs dunk, very good, but is it worth a 50? Dunk #4 - Kinda sorta dunk over fellow competitor Dwight Howard, he did get over him, but he pushed him down to about 6'8. The dunk was still super crazy, but here's your dunk champion?
Now lets look at Dwight Howard's catalog of dunks:
Dunk #1 - Over the backboard dunk from opposite side of the rim, very good, not great. Dunk #2 - Off the backboard dunk FROM A 12 FOOT GOAL, that's a 50. (Plus the theatrics alone should have gotten him an additional 50. From the other goal coming onto the court, to going in the phone booth, and the cape! WTF) Dunk #3 - Off the side of the backboard (bad pass by the way) cock back slam, very very very good, probably a 49 not a 50. Dunk #4 - Dunk from the free throw line...for the record, I've never seen a 7-footer dunk from the free-throw line, and for that he got DISCREDITED? I'm confused.
However, Nate going into the locker room and coming out in the all green Knicks uniform with the absurd green shoes and calling himself Kryptonite was awesome, and he held it down for my people in the 206/253.
3. LeBron puts his name in the hat for the 2010 Slam Dunk Contest – First off, its about damn time LeBron! Your about 2-3 years late but I'm glad to see you stepping up to take your place among the greats. Now realize that I'm not sure if he'll win it or not. I know that my boy JR Giddens (from the crib, OKC stand up!) beat him in the McDonald's high school slam dunk contest. Now, here's my point. Wouldn't it be great to have all the great dunkers get in it one more time? Lets get LeBron, Vince, Kobe, Dwight Howard, Josh Smith, Nate Rob, DWade, and Derrick Rose for a Royal Rumble slam dunk contest in the NEW Texas Stadium. By the way, we can confirm it now Ed and Ken WILL DEFINITELY be in Dallas for the 2010 NBA All-Star competition. Who would you put in the slam-dunk contest?
4. Daequan Cook brings home the 3-point shootout... – From THE Ohio State University (your welcome JAG) the 3-point shootout champion had the backing of Shaq and DWade, however, I personally thought it was hilarious that no one broke 20 points in the contest and that Kenny Smith kept saying that he wasn't going to win it. "The bright lights, the pressure, he'll choke..." Then he won. Hey yo Kenny, you my dude and all, but STFU!!
5. H-O-R-S-E-S-H-*-T... – WTF happened to HORSE? Like seriously, I kept waiting for HORSE to come on Saturday night, and then totally forgot about it. I didn't realize that HORSE was played in the afternoon on a Friday? I totally missed it. Evidently Joe Johnson has never played the game before and OJ Mayo hit a jumper from the stands. Kevin Durant won the trophy in something that looks like a fake horse in a diaramma (You remember those in school? With the shoebox and decorations on the inside? WOW, now its a trophy? WTF!) In the future, GET RID OF THE SHOOTING STARS COMPETITION and put HORSE on Saturday night before the 3-point contest. Get DWade, Dirk, Kobe, and LeBron and let them side bet like $100,000 that one of them can make a half-court hook shot off glass like Billy Hoyle from White Man Can't Jump. I'm just saying.
6. Duke, Xavier, and Butler All Lose To Unranked Foes – So here are your #1 seeds, locked and loaded. East - UConn, Midwest - North Carolina, South - Oklahoma, West - Pitt. I could maybe see Pitt taking the Midwest and moving UNC to the West. We'll find out soon, as #4 Pitt and #1 UConn get ready for battle tonight. I think Pitt pulls the upset and causes a logjam in the Big East. Just for information sake, the Final Four is at Ford Field this year in Detroit. I think I'm going, who's down for a road trip?
7. Unsportsmanlike Conduct - Reunited And It Feels So Good...Yeah Right – Ok, so first of all I'm calling BS to the NBA. I know Kobe had 27 points, but...really? Did you all watch the game? Shaq was THE MAN of the night. How the hell do you steal the show, NOT EVEN BEING THE STARTING CENTER OF THE WEST, and freestyle an entire 2-3 minute show with the Jabbawockeez?? WTF! Oh yeah, bad on the hood for A Pimp Named Sager for misquoting their name, calling them the Wockajabbeez...F that, Shaq KILLED it from the get. Then, he started serving cats in the game. That no-look outlet pass 90 feet down the court to Tony Parker was insane. However, he was just getting started.
CP3 set it up, told him, "GET ON THE WING!" Then Shaqtus got out there with Dwight Howard guarding him. DHo looked like he said something to the effect of, "Don't hurt yourself out here old man," with a wry smile on his face. Shaq didn't even hesitate, went hockey style and went 5-hole on Howard (thru the legs) with a bounce pass to CP3, weaved around and got it back and did a chin-up dunk on the rim. Dwight looked bamboozled and hoodwinked, yet he couldn't do anything but laugh it off. Give DHo credit, he's a good sport, he got YULE'd on by Nate Rob, then got the wool pulled over his eyes by Shaquille. God bless him.
Oh, and Shaq did like 3 chinups after that on another dunk. So when I saw Shaq and Kobe getting Co-MVPs? Seriously? WTF did Kobe do except take it to the rack? Maybe I'm hating, but I don't care. Besides all that, they looked hella ingenuine in my opinion. I'm sorry, but if you go to your hometown in front of throngs of people and yell, "Hey Ed, Tell Me How My Ass Tastes?" or if you commence to try and tell on the Big Homie and say that I've been allegedly smutting out chicks on side besides my wife on national television? Or am salty that I'm Batman and your Robin? I'm gonna try and open-hand smack you, period. Whatever, congrats to them on the MVP. Shaq, hope you get some HGH and hold it down for a couple more years.
Did You Enjoy the All-Star Weekend? Who would you put in the slam dunk contest? Let us know your thoughts!