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The ETSF All-Goon Team

At ETSF, we take pride in not only talking about the usual happenings in sports, but also the talk that’s shared in barbershops, basketball courts, and amongst the homies. With this particular piece, we’re highlighting certain players that normally get shunned by mainstream sports media, but are loved and revered by our breed of particular fan. They are none other than…the goonies!

You’ve got to be able to hoop, and you must be a valuable part of your team. You can’t just be a tough guy, and be a sorry player. That doesn’t make you a goon; it just makes you sorry. Most importantly, in the words of Bishop from Juice, and O-Dog from Menace to Society, you just “don’t give a f***.”

So without further ado, here is the first-ever ETSF All-Goon Basketball Team:

Point Guard, Delonte West - Delonte West has always been someone who doesn’t get all the shine, but he’s also one of the most effective players on the Cavaliers. We all know he can score the ball and has handle, but he’s also an underrated defender, and will be a key piece to the Cavs title hopes this season. However, after looking at Delonte, besides the fact he's got the random red growth on his face, doesn't he look like an extra or stunt double for Bone Thugs-N-Harmony? Delonte Red-Bone...lol

Shooting Guard, Stephen Jackson - Stephen Jackson may be one of the more underrated players in the league (21 pts/5 reb/7 asts), which is not hard to do when you play in Golden State, and you’re hardly ever on national television. The man can shoot, score, handle, and will go play D as well. If people are willing to look past what’s easy to criticize, they’ll see this man is a LEGIT basketball player and a leader on his team. Plus, to keep his own teammates from being in a potentially horrible situation at the strip club, dude breaks up a fight/melee by pulling out the heat and shooting in the air. That is the kind of take charge attitude we all need on our basketball team.

Small Forward, Ron Artest - We all know that no team of this caliber would be complete without Ron Artest on board. He’s been tremendous on every squad he’s played on, and now he’s helping the Rockets move up in the Western Conference. We all know he’s a defensive presence, but he can also put the ball in the hole in a variety of ways. Besides all that, he's made every goon move a goon would make...fight random people at any time, started a record label, got ridiculous parts, logos, statements in his haircuts, and would probably open hand smack you in front of your girl and dare you to do something. My kind of dude.

Power Forward, Kenyon Martin - K-Mart has been one of my favorite players, since he was swatting away shots and dunking all over people’s heads in Cincinnati. He was the best big man in college basketball, the #1 pick in the 2000 NBA Draft, one of the up-and-coming power forwards in basketball, and, now he’s doin’ his thing for the Denver Nuggets. Now, he's knocking down Trina too, and to prove it he's got a huge tattoo on his neck with Trina's lipstick imprints (times 12) and its so outlandish I feverishly think its absurd yet Ed wants one simultaneously. Oh, and I got to mention he’s from the crib (Dallas, STAND UP).

Center, Rasheed Wallace - ‘Sheed is the undisputed leader of the squad. People have known about him since his days at North Carolina, the Bullets, Blazers, and now the Pistons. He’s a true old-school player, always been one of the most unguardable power forwards in the league, and whether you love him or hate him, someone you would always love to have on your team. Plus, he’s the perennial leader in techs, and while some may question his antics, you can’t question the fact that Rasheed Wallace is a champion, and he wears #36 which in my books is a goon number for someone in the NBA.

Coach, John Chaney - John Chaney is one of the greatest coaches the game of basketball has ever seen, and while it was close between him and John Thompson (Ken’s favorite coach of all-time), Chaney gets the nod to lead our squad. His former players love him, and cats like us do as well. I’ll never forget his post-game conference after a Temple-UMass game, when he threatened to kill John Calipari (it’s even funnier, since they are friends now), and when he sent in a goon to foul St. Joseph’s John Bryant, and the goon actually ended up breaking O’Bryant’s arm. The reason was because he felt the referees were missing calls against his team. What makes it even more classic is what he said after the game: “I’m going to send in what we used to do years ago. I’m going to send in the goons.” Believe it or not, he would be one of the best ones to keep this team in line.

Is there someone we forgot? Isn't Shaq an easy honorable mention? What about A.I.? Who are your favorite goons? Let us know...

Be easy.

-K. Masenda


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