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He Gon' Cry In The Car

Nick Anderson, you can be excused from the table, sir. Dwight Howard will now be taking your spot as The Goat of your unlucky franchise, after that atrocious performance at the free-throw line, late in the fourth quarter last night. Before we go any further into that, allow me to explain the title of this post. Surprisingly, there are still people who have yet to see Friday (‘hood classic, starring Ice Cube, Chris Tucker, Tiny Lister, Jr., John Witherspoon, and Nia Long).

There’s a scene in the movie where Red gets his chain snatched by Debo on Craig’s front porch. When Debo walks off on him and leaves Red, Craig, and Smokey on the porch to ponder Red’s predicament, Red fusses about it being his Grandmama’s chain, and then runs off, which prompts Smokey to say, right on time…

“he gon’ cry in the car.”

Now see, there’s a reason this post is entitled that, and it’s because the Orlando Magic managed to lose a game due to God-awful, pathetic, repulsive, and a flat-out despicable display of free-throw shooting. Dwight Howard had a chance to pretty much seal the game with 11 seconds left (Orlando was up by three, mind you), but he missed BOTH free-throws, which allows Phil Jackson to draw up a play, and for Derek Fisher to hit a three to tie the game up. As it happened, I could just see the Magic players, especially Dwight Howard, look exactly like Red looked, when Debo snatched his chain, dared him to do something about it, and walked off on him. Shit, I can’t believe I just compared the Lakers to Debo. Anyway…

Part of the reason I’m killing Orlando today is because Ed said this would happen over a month ago, while Orlando was in the second round against Boston. But once the Magic destroyed what would have been at least a watchable NBA Finals by beating Cleveland, all these “Magic fans” came out of the woodworks, and crucified the homie. Some of them probably didn’t start watching the Magic until that series, and on top of that, don’t even know who the fuck Nick Anderson is (you know, the dude that wears his jersey over a dress shirt before your starting line-up is announced; yeah, that guy), and why I’m excusing him from the table in the first place. Since you probably don’t know why he’s excused, here’s the CliffNotes version:

1995 Game One of the NBA Finals; Nick Anderson has a chance to seal a Game One victory over the Houston Rockets. He misses not one, not two, not three, but FOUR free-throws down the stretch. The Rockets go on to tie the game in regulation, win in overtime, and even though it was only Game One, the series ended that night. For 14 years, he has been The Goat of your franchise, the ass of many jokes in regards to choke-jobs, and the definition of scared in the clutch.

As a basketball head, there’s one way of losing in my book that is totally unacceptable, and its missing free throws at the end of a game, especially when you’re ahead, and ESPECIALLY when you’re at home. I’m not about to place any fingers at coaching strategies, because I can see exactly why Stan The Man did what he did in the final seconds by not fouling. Shit, his team wasn’t making free throws, and it wasn’t like he could go out there, and shoot for them. With all that said, fuck the Orlando Magic. They had no business being here anyway, just as many of us knew before this series even started. They were simply happy to be there. May they rest in pieces.

Be easy.


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