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Today's Obituaries - R.I.P. To Kevin Faulk

Kevin Troy Faulk, 33, was put to rest on November 30th, 2009 after a violent incident between Faulk and Darren Sharper of the New Orleans Saints.

Kevin was born on June 5th, 1976 in Lafayette, Louisiana. Kevin was an elite 3rd-down back & receiving tailback for the New England Patriots and was a member of all three Patriots Super Bowl championships. He is survived by his quarterback, Tom Brady; and runningback mates Laurence Maroney, Fred Taylor, Sammy Morris, and Ben-Jarvis Green-Ellis (who all also served as pall bearers in an attempt to get more carries from Bill Belichick). Kevin's cousin, Marshall Faulk could not be reached although he did release a statement on his twitter page saying,
"That would never happen to me, and I'm no longer claiming Kevin as family." A special foundation has been created in Kevin's name on behalf of Reggie Bush, called the "The Prevention of Getting Hit-Sticked Coming Out Of The Backfield Foundation." Reggie has asked that all running backs who are destined to be 3rd-down/pass-catching tailbacks must watch this clip 25 times before playing a down in the NFL...

The foundation has been designated for runningbacks who run routes out the flat and subsequently get mollywhopped by animalistic defensive backs lurking for prey. The funeral processional is being held in remembrance of Faulk, after the destruction that took place on Monday Night at the Superdome in New Orleans, Louisiana.

Sources say Darren Sharper, 34, had been seething all day that Monday. He felt slighted, and rightly so. His team was being disrespected, and his personal achievements have been overlooked by some as well. He received a hateful letter from a fan only addressed by his name, "Benny aka Roll On Dice", saying that "Darren, you'll never win the Defensive Player of the Year. That award is reserved for Jared Allen or Charles Woodson, players who do more than just intercept the ball and score. They hit hard too."

Darren didn't understand...he was a hitter, hell Steelers coach and former secondary mate Mike Tomlin knew he could hit from back in the day when they laced it up at William & Mary. Plus, everywhere he was reading in the press and in the news was that the Saints weren't ready for primetime, especially against a team like the Patriots. WTF? Aren't we the team that's 10-0? Were about to go 11-0 on national television, by any means necessary. Sharper's thoughts carried over into the game and Kevin Faulk was just an innocent bystander in a drive-by beheading. Sources say Sharper just walked away from the scene with a glazed look in his eyes like Chong Li did when he took Jackson's headwrap in the Kumite tournament on Bloodsport.

After Sharper's jack knife attempt on Faulk, Faulk slid across the astroturf approximately 12 yards then sprung up as if nothing happened. This is the sort of thing you see in the prideful NFL, however this was more of an out of body experience as he took a knee and needed immediate medical attention, authorities are not sure when he lost consciousness.

Authorities are asking that you do not question Mr. Sharper at this time, and especially do not bring up anything regarding "A Perfect Season" or "Defensive Player of the Year" as he is considered armed and dangerous.




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