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You Gotta Know When To Retire...

**Ed's note - Today's post is a joint post by my main man Average Bro and myself. Make sure you check out his award-winning site, and enjoy today's post. Also, we will be launching, "Unsportsmanlike Conduct" a new online radio show which will air tonight at 11pm Eastern, 10pm Central, 6pm Hawaiian. Come check us out and call-in! Back to our regularly scheduled programming.**

Few things are sadder than watching a person outlive their usefulness. Sometimes you gotta know when to call it a career, cop your gold watch, and ride off in the sunset. But there are always folks who just don't know when to throw in the towel, often leaving us with disastrous results. I suffered through 2 seasons of the Wizards-era MJ, so trust me, I know that of which I speak, and it's often ugly. Here's a few other folks I wish would just hang em' up for once and for all.

Allen Iverson

Monday night marked the return of Allen Iverson to The City Of Brotherly Redemption. AI, if you didn't know, was actually retired for all of 3 days around the Thanksgiving, and might still be lighting up the Newport News YMCA had Sixers point guard Lou Williams not broken his jaw. Still, the fact that the struggling team that drafted him is the only one that was interested in bringing him back, and only then because their young PG is out for 2 months shouldn't be lost on The Answer.

Reality is, he was one errant Antawn Jamison elbow away from prolly hangin' em' up for good. His debut was up and down, and resulted in yet another Sixers loss. Best of luck, AI.

Ken Griffey Jr.

The original KG has been a legend for about 15 years consecutively, mostly with the Mariners and then injury-plagued years in Cincinnati. After moving from the White Sox and the Mariners in a 2-year period, he's been a shell of his former self. First off, the man doesn't even play center field anymore...which by all accounts is a travesty as he's probably the best OF and best defensive center fielder this generation has ever seen. In fact, look at his body (literally, pause) over the last 10 years and you'll notice he's no bigger than he was in 1999 as he is in 2009. Dude doesn't lift weights, eat right, or anything. He just shows up with the greatest swing in baseball history and hits parabolas into the stands.

For the season he hit .219 with just 19 HRs and 57 RBIs. He deserves better, and that better would be at the house laid up like the rest of us. Good luck in 2010 Junior.

Roy Jones Jr.

Ya'll musta forgot that once, long ago, Roy Jones (even with that bama-assed shag) was the most feared Negro on the planet. He's also one of the very few athletes to make a rap album that didn't make my ears bleed.

Apparently, Roy "musta forgot" that his a$$ is 40-something, and really has no business getting in the ring anymore. I can never figure out what it is about the sport of boxing that causes guys (Larry Holmes, Evander Holyfield, and yes, Ali) to stick around long after it's even healthy to still be fighting. Unlike, say, basketball, which is relatively kind on the body, boxing involves getting hit in the head, very often, and very hard. [||] You'd think retirement, a Pensacola mansion, and running your cockfighting ring (uhh, does Peta know about this, or do they simply not care about chickens?) would be enough to keep a man satisfied. But apparently, Roy just can't get enough, and last weekend, he found himself fighting some guy named Danny Green, somewhere in Australia. The results, shall we say, were less than impressive.


Shaquille O'Neal

Big Fella, what is going on bro? I swear is it me or that I hear more about the things you are doing off the basketball court than the things you do on the court. I hear you got dreams of being a police officer when you get done with basketball, cool I can dig that. However, you putting it down with Gilbert Arenas' wife is a different story. But hey, that's none of our business you do what you do. However, the simple fact that Erick(a) Dampier's numbers (6.8 ppg, 8.5 rpg, 2.1 bpg) are looking similar if not slightly better than Shaq's (11.2 ppg, 6.6 rpg, 1.4 bpg) is absurd and hilarious at the same time.

When you start getting blocked by Matt Bonner then there's a problem. More importantly, you are just another big guy in Cleveland. Zydrunas and Varejao but up better numbers on LeBron's team that what you're doing. Plus, it looks like you way about 375 pounds, therefore making it impossible for you to guard any type of pick and roll offense. (See the Memphis-Cleveland game from last night if you don't believe me.) I know you are getting that money, but after you get the end of it, go home and get on Nutrisystem, thanks.


-Average Bro & ETSF


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