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Tips to Survive Baseball Season

From the brothers who brought you such classics as Five Tips to Help Women Survive Football Season, Ed the Ladies Man - Dating Tips, and Ken the Chivalry Man, here's another installment, which is meant for your pure entertainment, as well as to survive the next six months of your sports lives.

It’s only been a week, and I’m ready for baseball to be over with. Alright, maybe that’s a little harsh, but I can do without endless episodes of Baseball Tonight, extended baseball highlights, as well as seeing the Yankees and Red Sox play against each other 18 times this season. 162 games are way too many, and for some reason, even a knowledgeable fan, such as me, feels every bit of those 162. Simply put, I can't wait for the crap to be over with, or at the least, until August, when teams start vying for playoff spots.

Even though baseball is no longer America’s Favorite Pastime, you’d be misled by the never-ending coverage of the game. On top of the season being too long, the games themselves are too damn long. Sorry, but a basketball game lasts around two and a half hours, and a football game is around three. The recent Yankees-Sox games were over four hours long! That’s ridiculous.

Even with that said, I am a fan of baseball games, just not baseball season. Since one of our roles at ETSF is to enhance your sports experience, as well as being a servant to all mankind (and womankind), here are a few tips to help you survive baseball season, or at the very least, help you survive ‘til they get to the All-Star break; you know, the time where it actually gets exciting.

1. The NFL Draft – for folks like Joslin, The NFL Chick, and other people who live, breathe, and eat football, they can’t wait for the NFL Draft. The league has turned it into an extravaganza, an event of epic proportions, and now it's prime-time, starting on Thursday night. After all these silly-ass mock drafts, the combines, the pro days, Todd McShay and Mel Kiper giving us their insights, as well as finding out Eric Berry, the Tennessee Volunteers All-American Safety, is scared of barnyard animals (I saw it on a First Take interview this morning), we’ll get to see where yesterday’s college football stars will be headed to become professionals. It’ll definitely be a nice diversion.

2. The World Cup – now this one isn’t coming for a couple of months, but when it does, make sure you tune in. I don’t know much about soccer, but I love me some World Cup. The pride of your country is on the line, and believe me, when you see these teams out there competing, as well as their rabid-ass fan bases, you’ll be exposed to an experience like no other.

3. The NBA Playoffs – there’s nothing (AND THE ROCK MEANS NOTH---, sorry; I had a WWF moment there) that beats 40 games in 40 nights, and that’s what the NBA Playoffs brings to us. The West is a mess right now, with everyone scrambling for playoff position, and outside of Cleveland, there’s no one worth believing in on the East side. Even with that, the games will be fantastic, and you’ll get plenty of Inside the NBA, as well as games on ESPN and ABC with Mike Breen, Action Jackson, and Jeff Van Gundy.

4. Go to a Baseball Game Live – now this is the only way you can possibly enjoy baseball every single day. If you actually go to baseball games, you’ll be fine, because baseball games are fun as hell in person. They have great food, drinks, and there aren’t too many things better than layin’ in the shade (UGK), or in this case, sitting in the bleachers, and taking in a baseball game. In terms of baseball-related activity, this is the one I openly embrace.

As said earlier, these tips will help you cope with the reality of extended baseball highlights, countless episodes of Baseball Tonight, and anything else that pretty much force-feeds us all the baseball we don’t want, or can handle. I know my brother, The Reverend Paul Revere, is shaking his head at this, since he’s a baseball aficionado, but he knows I’m telling the truth. If all else fails, just try to hold on until Training Camp. At that point, the NFL will be back to dominating the sports waves regularly, and we’ll all be happy again.

Be easy.
-K. Masenda


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