As we wind down for the week and prepare to engage in all acts of shenanigans, tomfoolery, hijinks, mischief, monkey-business, and anything else our dear mother's would not approve of...this Saturday I will be hosting the 2nd Annual ETSF High-Def Fantasy Football challenge. It is a great event that along with myself, 11 other worthy contestants (including your very own @CoolBlack06, @Jagadelic, @JeremyKSmith, and @SDotWalton) will be participating in. It will be tons of fun. However, you want to know something...
Those 11 guys in my league don't stand a chance in beating me, again.
See, this is what happens when you're the commissioner of the league and then you go out and WIN said league. People accuse you of cheating, and having the games fixed, and basically insulting my character. I am a man of integrity, and I do not appreciate these slanderous statements that are being thrown recklessly at me. I will have my vengeance. How will I do that? Easy, I'm going to kick ass and take names like my mama taught me to. You want to know how to REALLY win? Here, I'll show you once again like I did in 2009. Take notes.
1. Read The Rules - This seems like the easiest thing to know, but I promise I have seen people's entire fantasy football become derailed by simply not knowing the league's rules. What are the starting positions? Are we playing PPR? (points per reception) When is the trade deadline? Trust me, just take 15 minutes and scan over the regulations of your league, it will prevent you from coming in last every season like our boy Soul On Ice.
2. Come To The Draft With Confidence - Usually when you sit down for a fantasy football draft, folks come in kind of anxious and ready to chop it up with old friends or mingle with new ones. Folks openly WANT to tell you about their draft strategy. "Dog, who do you think is the real #1 pick? Adrian or Chris?" (Its Chris, by the way.) So to counter everyone's anxiousness, depending on where you are just order you a beer and chill out. Enjoy the scene with a gangsta lean. Enjoy everyone's colorful banter but realize that in your mind, "I got this." When people make their selections and you're hopeful that they didn't pick Calvin Johnson so you can nab them, try NOT heaving a huge sigh of relief. Trust me, you'll feel even better that after you yell out, "Yes, I'll take Megatron at wide receiver" you'll be hearing a ton of "great pick man, great pick."
3. Come Prepared To The Draft - Just pay the $5 and get a fantasy football magazine, you don't want to be the one who's asking folks to look at theirs. I've seen some people come to the draft with regression analyses created in Microsoft Excel, which was amazing but absurd at the same time. (Dude came in like 8th place as a result) Most of the time you're at a location who has the internet so bring your laptop and use Yahoo! or ESPN to keep up with players and figure out what's going on. Trust me on this.
4. Always Take The Best Player On The Board - Look, just because you don't have a tight end and its you're turn to pick doesn't mean you have to take a tight end. The difference between the #1 rated tight end (Dallas Clark) and the #8 rated tight end isn't that big. However, if Ben Roethlisberger or Eli Manning or even Joe Flacco are still sitting on the board and you already have Drew Brees locked up at your #1 QB, take the QB anyway. Its called leverage. I guarantee there's going to be one person who doesn't have an adequate QB at the beginning of the season or one comes down with a serious injury. This is how you make your team great with making a trade with said leverage.
5. Do Not Under Any Circumstances Take A Kicker or Defense Before The Last Two Picks In The Draft - If you want your manhood or even your woman taken into serious question, in the 9th round go up and select Adam Vinatieri as your kicker. Go ahead, I dare you. It sounds crazy, but this happens every year. Don't select a defense or a kicker until you absolutely have to. If you reach in the 11th or 12th round to get a defense I won't crucify you, but there's just not that much difference between the #1 and #10 kicker or or defense in the league. Trust me on this, I am wanting someone in my league to pick a kicker early, I will need something to laugh at.
With that being said, Fantasy Football is one of the greatest things that's happened to the game of football. Yes its absurd, and no one really wants to hear about your fantasy football team itself. However, bragging rights is still bragging rights. You want them right? Well go make this happen, and walk into your draft room with an aire of confidence that hasn't been seen since Errol Flynn played Robin Hood 50+ years ago. Good luck.
Your 2009 ETSF High-Def Fantasy Football Champion...
P.S. As a reminder, checkout the livest sports talk (and hopefully on the radio soon) show around, "The Unsportsmanlike Conduct Show" as we are live Wednesday's at 9pm Eastern at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/edthesportsfan! Download our podcasts if you missed the live show as well!