I feel like I need to explain this, because over the last 18 months or so, I have been on a tireless crusade to strengthen the support of a particular segment of people that have been oppressed, downtrodden, and looked over for the past nineteen years. Yep, 19 years. Why 19 years? Because that's when New Jack City came out, and the diabolical Nino Brown had the audacity, the nerve, and the temerity to say one of the most egregious statements in the history of quality cinematic viewing to our good friend Kareem Akbar, aka Christopher Williams, the crowned prince of the Light Skinned Coalition back in 1991:
*stabs Christopher Williams in the hand, then starts choking dude out for no reason...after screams from the peanut gallery to stop, he finally lets up. To then fire off one parting shot*
"I never liked you anyway, pretty motherf....."
You know the rest.
As the self-proclaimed "Conquistador of the Light Skinned Coalition," it is time that I take this message to the streets to let people know that this oppression cannot continue and to put our flag in the ground, so that everyone is aware of what our message is and who truly represents "The Coalition."
Disclaimer: This is intended to be funny, please don't be lame and take this serious. Even though at times...I am 100% serious about the LSC. LSC 4 Life.
The Light Skinned Coalition is the equivalent of the NAACP for the folks that are mulatto, fair-skinned, passing for white, mellow yellows, hybrid-mixes of black and another ethnicity, house negroes, red-bones, light-brites, or most commonly known as...yellabones. Ever since 1991, folks have got the game twisted. See, we never went out of style. Some of you all jumped the bandwagon after Wesley Snipes made that self-serving quote back in 1991. I get it. Some of us are fickle people; it happens. However, somewhere down the line, folks got it in their mind that we members of the LSC get a pass, that we're conceited, and we all got good hair.
Only one of those are correct, my hair stays wavy! Although the receding hairline leaves a little to be desired...but I digress.
Look, the LSC is a movement, but it is all about the appreciation of all of our people. In 50-100 years, EVERYONE will be members of the LSC! As a human race, we can't help but love each other. Interracial marriage isn't going away, in fact it is increasing at an alarming rate. It is a beautiful thing (hell, I wouldn't be here if a Puerto-Rican man didn't have an affinity for a Black woman). So don't fight this; just accept it for what it is. Its about harmony, people. The LSC is all about bringing folks together. We are the embodiment of this concept.
With that being said, I give to you the LSC all-stars in the NBA.
Point Guard, Deron Williams - If you've been reading ETSF for long enough, you know that Kenny has already twice declared that Deron Williams is the best point guard in the NBA. Now, I challenge him on this fact on a consistent basis, because I believe Chris Paul is the best floor general in the league. However, its 1A and 1B, and Deron does work, period. He's got a new toy in Al Jefferson, and I'll be the first to admit that there isn't a PG in the league that has a better all-around game than #8. Plus, the light-skinned brother from Texas has shown us a vast array of ways to rock the facial hair, and the man looks like he wears a doo-rag right before tip-off. Reminds me of myself...just a tad lighter and quicker than me. Feel free to laugh now.
Shooting Guard, Stephen Curry - Also known as "The Babyface Assassin," I can't lie and say that I'm excited to see the young man put in some major work next to Monta and the newly-formed collection of talent known as the Golden State Warriors. Curry is the unquestioned leader of this team, and he has a moxie that hasn't been seen since Terence Howard played Spaceman back in the all-time classic movie, "Sunset Park." Feel free to start singing the Sunset Park chant right about...now.
"Its time to get LIVE! Its time to REPRESENT! Sunset Park what time is it!" (repeat)
Small Forward, Brandon Roy - Probably one of the most under-appreciated superstars we have in this league, the man just finds a way to get it done. He isn't really all that fast, doesn't really have a ton of athletic ability, but somehow he's deceptively quick, has a quick trigger on that jumper of his, and will occasionally try and boom on you.
Power Forward, Blake Griffin - There hasn't been a bigger Stan of Blake Griffin than myself. Not only is he one of the few men that I know that is actually of a lighter hue than myself, but he is also home-grown from the great state of Oklahoma. Plus...dude is just a plain freak. Did you guys see how he was wrecking on Portland last night? I mean, the man has already made me write an obituary about DJ Mbenga for goodness' sakes. Oh you don't believe me? Check out the preseason in 2009 before Blake's kneecap exploded, because you know...he plays for the Clippers.
Center, Joakim Noah - Why? Because now that Rasheed Wallace has now retired, Noah is officially the grimiest person in the NBA. He's probably one of my favorite players in the league because of this, and judging off of his game last night...it looks like he hasn't shaved in 3-4 months.
6th Man, Jason Kidd - The man was once "The Duke" of the LSC, but the man is old now, and we need his wisdom for late in the games. He will likely retire as one of the top ten point guards of all-time. Somehow, he was able to have a son who has an extremely bigger head than most adults.
Bench - Shane Battier (because he plays awesome defense and shoots threes...plus he distracts people with his wrinkly head), Matt Barnes (certified goon and we need those in the crew), Anthony Parker (because we want to hang out with his sister, Candace), Mike Bibby (legend at Arizona and at Sacramento), and Juwan Howard (because he's old, and we need all the wisdom we can get).
Head Coach, Mark Jackson - Right now he's doing color commentary, but in his time he was one of the best floor generals the association had ever seen. He'd be a perfect head coach.
This might be the livest team of all-time...and we'd all blend in on the basketball court. The team would be required to wear all-white just to confuse people on the court and we'd turn the lights up extra bright too.
Can I just personally say that I stopped at various points in writing to either A) Die laughing B) Question if I should actually write this or not C) Ponder if this is the silliest article I've ever written in life.
Oh well, who cares. Light skinned brothers never went out of style, know that. Throws them L's up! LSC 4 Life.
P.S. As a reminder, checkout the livest sports talk (and hopefully on the radio soon) show around, "The Unsportsmanlike Conduct Show" as we are live Wednesday's at 9pm Eastern at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/edthesportsfan! Download our podcasts if you missed the live show as well!