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Ladies and Gentlemen, your 2010 Texas Longhorns

Every college football program has a time when they experience some sort of a fall from grace. Their fan base is prepared for it, the coaches know it will be a long year, and even the players know the upcoming season will be an uphill climb; one that is certainly a far cry from what they are accustomed to, given the circumstances.

This is a known fact, so this post is not written due to these factors being known. This post is being written, because the way this team has fallen from grace has brought me more joy, laughter, and sheer enjoyment than any fall from grace I have ever seen in my life. It’s not so much the players and the coaches as it is their fan base; a fan base that’s as spoiled, obnoxious, and delusional as any program in college football. That team is none other than The Whiny Orange (shout-out to Randy Galloway for coining “Whiny Orange”), the University of Texas Longhorns.

Now make no mistake about it; I am a proud fan of the Oklahoma Sooners. If you’ve been around this site enough, or if this is your first time, feel free to re-acquaint yourself or introduce yourself to the love and admiration that Ed and I have for Oklahoma and our feelings about Texas here and here. We love our team, and with that love, we’re also not afraid to be critical of them and call them out, such as here, as well as here. See, there’s an honesty in our love for OU; an integrity that the Whiny Orange know nothing about. This is much bigger than them being 4-4, even though their record and showings this year have been nothing short of abysmal. It’s about being out-of-touch with reality.

The Texas Longhorns have lost four games this season, one more loss than I called before the season started. Not only have they lost four games, they’ve lost all four of them in the state of Texas, and not only have they lost all four in the state, they’ve lost THREE GAMES IN A ROW AT HOME! Losing to UCLA was one thing, and as hilarious as it was, I didn’t see the next loss coming to Iowa State. Then again, a Paul Rhoads-coached beat Nebraska in Lincoln last season, so his teams don’t scare on the road one bit. However, losing to Baylor was the last straw. If you ask any Whiny Orange fan about that game before-hand, they would tell you they were playing bad, but there was no way in life they would ever lose to Baylor. Well, they did, and it was a sight to see.

For the past three years, the screams from Ed and me were simple: “you don’t have a running game.” The Longhorns haven’t had a dependable back since Jamaal Charles left, but anytime this was brought up, the Whiny Orange fans we knew told us to keep our mouths shut, that they were fine, Colt keeps defenses honest with the run, and there would be no worries. Well, the cracks were there last season, and despite making the National Championship, they didn’t heed the warnings. Now, their passing game is in shambles, their defense is playing hard, but they’re tired all the time, and their running game is still not worth a single solitary damn. It’s not so much that they didn’t have a running game, as it was with the Whiny Orange being completely dishonest about their shortcomings.

On top of that, I still have issues with Vince Young not having a statue in front of D.K. Royal by now. Despite my hate for the Whiny Orange, I actually love quite a bit of their players and have over the years, and if there is one Longhorn I will continue to vouch for, it’s the awe-inspiring, deft-defying, legendary, soul-crushing, underappreciated, and outright crunk Vince Young. This man put his team on his back to win a National Championship, and how he only has his jersey retired (especially seeing as how they just retired Colt’s this past weekend) is beyond me.

Not only did he do that, he took one for the team not too long ago by molly-whopping some dude in the club who threw the upside-down “Hook ‘Em Horns” in his face. The man risked his good name, had public humiliation throw in his direction, and this is how you repay the man who stood up for your honor? This team should be ashamed of themselves. They’re pathetic. Vince Young showed more heart in Onyx than his spineless, gutless, disgrace of a college football team has all season long. Vince Young, Roy Williams, Michael Huff, James Brown, Ricky Williams, Derrick Johnson, and the rest of the Longhorn Faithful who had some balls back in the day are all rolling over in their graves right now.

God bless Mack Brown, because he really does seem like a good man who is just having a tough season. With that said, that’s as far as my sympathy goes for him. Garrett Gilbert, a player who I actually like a lot, isn’t getting the job done, which pretty much makes his sophomore season a waste, because he should’ve been redshirted last year in the first place. Sure, the youngster is gaining experience, but that wasn't the objective for him coming into the season, and with that, it's resulted in a complete and total catastrophe.


With all that said, the smartest thing for the Whiny Orange to do is to embrace the Five Stages of Grief. We introduced them a couple of weeks ago, and in doing so, it will allow them to (at the very least) put this despicable season in perspective. Sure, they’re the fourth-best team in Texas this year, but there’s no shame in it, as long as they keep it real. We all know TCU is numero uno. Baylor is now number two, and for all we know, SMU can make a case for number three.

By embracing the stages, they can rest easy knowing that the season can be looked at in a certain light. However, if they decide to remain angry, in denial, bargain, or become depressed, it will only get worse. At the same time, if it does get worse, that’s fine with me. Hell, with this showing, it should be Texas going to the Pac-10 next year. In the words of my brother The Reverend Paul Revere, I hope they suck forever.

Be easy.
-K. Masenda
www.edthesportsfan.com
P.S. As a reminder, checkout the livest sports talk (and hopefully on the radio soon) show around, "The Unsportsmanlike Conduct Show" as we are live Wednesday's at 9pm Eastern at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/edthesportsfan! Download our podcasts if you missed the live show as well!

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