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Today's Obituaries - Timofey Mozgov (1986-2010)

Timofey "Tim" Pavlovich Mozgov, 24, passed away on November 21st, 2010. He was born on July 16th, 1986 in St. Petersburg, Russia.

Tim was widely considered a diamond in the rough prospect by the New York Knicks as they signed him to a 3-year/$10 million dollar contract back on July 10th. He is survived by his teammates in the frontcourt: Amar'e Stoudemire (who by the way, refused to be a pall bearer...reasons unknown), Danilo Gallinari (who also refused to be a pall bearer due to whiplash and lacerations...), Ronny Turiaf, Wilson Chandler, Anthony Randolph, and Eddy Curry (who refused pall bearer responsibilities as well because he had a buffet dinner date) and head coach Mike D'Antoni, who put his foreign-born center at risk to the bloodshed.

A special foundation has been created in Tim's name, called the "Don't be the next foreign 7-footer drafted by the Knicks to have someone's groin muscle come way to close to your face" foundation, it seems that one Frederic Weis and DJ Mbenga have already made sizable donations for various reasons. This foundation was created in lieu of the Shang Tsung-ing calamity that took place Saturday night at the Staples Center in Los Angeles.

Reports from the City of Angels give two varying reports on the incident, some sources say that Blake Austin Griffin, 21, was really down in the dumps that evening. Others say that Griffin was angry, and irate. Most folks say the varying reports come from the fact that Blake Griffin's facial expressions never change and people just cannot tell what's going on. They call it the Greg Oden-Jim Caldwell syndrome. Anyway, witnesses say they recall a warning being given to Mozgov...


However, Mozgov was not able to decipher what his teammates were yelling to him. Some folks report just hearing a lot of cuss words from the Knicks bench. A lot of "Got Damn's" and "Holy Crap's" were reported being heard from the bench warmers. Tim evidently thought that Blake had to use the bathroom and shrugged it off as nothing. Blake on the other hand, looked like Michael Myers...

...then, it happened.

Sources say they saw Randy Foye wink at Blake as they went up the court, Blake didn't blink back, nod, or anything...he just chewed on his mouthpiece. Foye was like...eff it. Foye put the fist up, and ran a screen and roll play for Griffin. Griffin rolled off the screen and Foye got him the ball quickly. Mozgov did well, he rotated to the ball quickly, yet Blake had already decided to just "jump high and see what happens." That's when things got ugly.



A child was heard screaming for his mother. A referee did a blocking gyration that had never been seen before. Someone said that Danny Manning's and Ron Harper's knees felt 10-times stronger. One reporter noted that Blake actually cuffed the back of Mozgov's head and brought it toward his groin region. This caused an immediate trauma in the 7-footer and he was left with the same glassy-eyed look that Blake Griffin walks around with all the time. His body was not able to handle this look and he passed out in the locker room some 45 minutes later.

At one point, it was also noted that Amar'e and Blake exchanged in a bit of a bonding session, as the "Spirit of Doctor Dunkenstein" was officially passed down from Darryl Dawkins, to Shawn Kemp, to Amar'e Stoudemire, to now Blake Griffin.


You got the juice now Blake...you got the juice.

-Ed.
www.edthesportsfan.com

P.S. As a reminder, checkout the livest sports talk (and hopefully on the radio soon) show around, "The Unsportsmanlike Conduct Show" as we are live Wednesday's at 9pm Eastern at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/edthesportsfan! Download our podcasts if you missed the live show as well!

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