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Today's Obituaries - The Cleveland Cavaliers Fanbase (1970-2010)

The Cleveland Cavaliers Fanbase, 40, passed away on December 2nd, 2010. This fanbase was created in 1970 due to the passion that the Browns and Indians showed for the last 50-plus years. The Cavaliers fanbase had been a maligned group of people, as the organization they supported had been quintessentially repugnant and abhorrent save for two stretches of success in the early 1990's (which was subsequently put on their deathbed by The Jordan) and the now critically acclaimed era of reign from the King, LeBron Raymone James. The Cavs fanbase is survived by other jilted lovers Cleveland fanbases, The Dog Pound (Browns) and The Tribe (Indians).

A special foundation has been created in honor of Cavaliers fans, called the...well, there really isn't a name they came up with for a foundation...they just passed the hat around and collected change, lint balls, parking stubs, bus passes, and used Carmex tubes for everyone who was laid waste to in "The LeBronaclypse." This "passing of the hat" was created in lieu of the abomination that took place in Quicken Loans Arena in Cleveland, Ohio on Thursday night.

Witnesses say LeBron Raymone James, 25, had an interesting night coming into this game. The man had a horrific flight, didn't get a lot of sleep, got into a tussle at the barbershop, and got a phenomenal grilled cheese and fried bologna sandwich made by his mama. (Okay, I only made two of those up.) LeBron had anxiously been looking forward to Friday. The Cleveland Cavaliers vs. Miami Heat game had been circled on everyone's calendar in the world except his. He didn't need to circle it, he knew exactly when it was. So when he stepped onto the court in the Q, he knew it was going to get ugly. The boos, the jeers, the cussing, the screaming, the baby's crying, his former teammates woofing...it was almost overwhelming for the man.

However, sources say James was extremely calm in the locker room. Borderline giddy. Why? Because he listened to this on repeat before the game. What happened next caused fans to get ejected from the arena go into an immediate state of depression.

LeBron James went off for 38 points, 8 rebounds, and 5 assists. Miami was up by 30 points (95-65) versus Cleveland by the end of the third quarter. Included in the melee, LeBron put together a variety of reverse lay-ups, creative alley-oops, stepback threes, and basking in the glory of watching the Cavaliers fanbase repeat failing attempts of choreographed chants and mistimed chants of "Akron hates you" and "Scottie Pippen." Dwyane Wade crammed on Jamario Moon's neck, Chris "The 6'11" shooting guard" Bosh was hitting jumpers like his job was on the line because it was and James Jones was hitting threes like he was throwing tennis balls into the ocean.

For all intents and purposes, please stay out of the streets of Cleveland...especially East 55th. There are reports of brawls, beatings, and other acts of violence amongst their own people, yet anyone who is caught wearing a piece of LeBron paraphernalia could be in extreme danger.

Cleveland fans...its over. Let it go.


P.S. As a reminder, checkout the livest sports talk (and hopefully on the radio soon) show around, "The Unsportsmanlike Conduct Show" as we are live Wednesday's at 9pm Eastern at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/edthesportsfan! Download our podcasts if you missed the live show as well!


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