However, it saddens me to see some of the stars of yesteryear fade to black on some of these horrible teams even though we know that they've still got some juice in them. They need to be unshackled from this oppressive bondage that is horrible basketball teams. Some of these GM's are hanging onto these guys like they are going to really build around them. Do these people think we're stupid? Don't insult my intelligence, you neanderthal.
Please trade these people, immediately.
Point Guard - Steve Nash, Phoenix Suns
The two-time MVP is arguably having one of the best seasons of his entire career in the desert. The man is shooting in the 50/40/90 club (50%+ in FG%, 40%+ in 3PT%, 90%+ in FT%) while averaging a healthy 17 points/game and 11 assists/game. Now I understand the man still doesn't play any more defense than my laundry hamper, but with all the talent that has vacated Phoenix in the last couple of seasons, I think the man is putting up admirable work. This needs to end now.
Can we put this man on the Atlanta Hawks, a team who hasn't had a legitimate point guard since Mookie Blaylock, and actually put those talented players to good use? Can the basketball gods make this happen? Praise be to Jesus...Shuttlesworth.
Shooting Guard - Ben Gordon, Detroit Pistons
I want you to go look at the gamelog of Ben Gordon back in 2008-09 real quick:
Now, I can remember a time just recently where on a given night Ben Gordon could legitimately give anyone in the league 40 points in a game. Unfortunately, a money grab (and a very poor free agent signing by Joe Dumars) in Detroit and a lack of structural organization has relegated Ben Gordon to fade into the abyss like Das Efx. Ben Gordon's no more than 5'11", yet the man was fearless and was willing to take literally any shot on the floor, so I'm going to ask the almighty Jesus...Shuttlesworth to do this one favor for me.
Can we get Ben Gordon to the Portland TrailBlazers? They're hurting for some firepower with B-Roy, Oden, and Camby out for the count and Ben doesn't have a prison record....I think.
Small Forward - Gerald Wallace, Charlotte Bobcats
Crash Bandicoot aka Gerald Wallace has been the face of the franchise for the Bobcats for the last couple of years. He's done admirable work and has worked his talent into an all-around game. The man hustles to no end, often times hurting himself on occasion, and if he's going to be putting himself at risk (albeit the Bobcats are in 8th place...shoutout to Rodimus Prime) man at least he could be doing it for a team worthwhile.
So I'm asking you, the almighty Jesus...Shuttlesworth, please find a way possible to send Crash to the Utah Jazz. He has a similar skillset to AK-47 and he could bring some renewed energy to that squad. Plus, Deron's unhappy...so I think throwing alley-oops to Crash would give him a spark.
Power Forward - Antawn Jamison, Cleveland Cavaliers
I feel bad for the man, I really do. Antawn Jamison was traded to the Cleveland Cavaliers and was led to believe that LeBron James was going to stay in Cleveland and they'd make a run at some championships....
...yep, that didn't quite workout like he planned.
Now he's on the worst team in basketball, and although he's putting up an admirable 17 points/game and 6 rebounds/game, there's no reason in life for Antawn to be on that monstrosity of a team. Therefore...
...I'm asking the most merciful Jesus...Shuttlesworth, to send 'Tawn to the Chicago Bulls. The man can play the three or the four, can provide a scoring touch the Bulls would love to have, and provides depth. Come on Jesus, make it happen.
Center - Chris Kaman, Los Angeles Clippers
Current nicknames in rotation for LSC life member #2332405 Blake Griffin: Blake The Quake, High Yellow, The Beige Bomber, Earth Blake, Blake Superior, Griffin Impossible, and The Blake Show.
Current nicknames in rotation for Chris Kaman: ......
Don't get it twisted, Kaman is a nice player, and truth be told it might not be in the best interest to trade Kaman from this young Clippers team. However, I'm selfish, and I want to make something happen for my Oklahoma City Thunder. The biggest need they have is for a 7-footer. If you give OKC a competent 7-footer then the Thunder might be one of the three best teams in the league.
So to the most high and merciful Jesus...Shuttlesworth, please send Kaman's 16 and 8 to the 405 area code, so that we can win a playoff series or two, and scare the living daylights out of every team in the league. Thank you.
Happy Friday, enjoy the day people.
P.S. As a reminder, checkout the livest sports talk (and hopefully on the radio soon) show around, "The Unsportsmanlike Conduct Show" as we are live Wednesday's at 9pm Eastern at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/edthesportsfan! Download our podcasts if you missed the live show as well!