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Today's Obituaries: Gary McGhee (1988-2011)


Dearly departed...

We are gathered here today to celebrate the life of one Mr. Gary "Yella Flocka Flame" McGhee, 22, passed away on March 10th, 2011. He was born on October 28, 1988 in Anderson, Indiana. Gary was a center for the top-ranked Pittsburgh Panthers. He is survived by his four teammates in the starting lineup; Ashton Gibbs, Brad Wanamaker, Gilbert Brown, Nasir Robinson and his head coach Jamie Dixon.

A special scholarship fund has been created in Yella Flocka Flame's name, called the "PLEASE switch on man-to-man defense for the love of God" scholarship for big men (which was started by James "Buddha" Edwards) who get switched onto crafty, quick, and deceptive guards who have no other desire to than to embarrass you in public. This scholarship was created immediately after Kemba Walker decided that the Big East quarterfinals are now over.

Witnesses on the scene of the crime at Madison Square Garden say that Kemba Walker, 20, was instructed to by Connecticut head coach Jim Calhoun to try an untie the game by running a pick-and-roll option on the top of the key. Kemba was being guarded by Brad Wanamaker, and when the screen came, Wanamker fought through it and stayed with Walker. Walker's shot was then contested, causing a miss.

Fortunately for the Huskies, they retrieved the rebound and reset the play for Kemba to give it one more try.


Wanamker came out to guard him, and the screen came just as before. This time, however, Gary McGhee was caught in no man's land...either try to find the screener and let Kemba get a lane to the rim, or do his damnedest and stay in front of Bronx Bomber to the best of his ability.

He tried his damnedest. Shame on Brad Wanamaker, you'll have to live with that foolish, nonsensical decision for the rest of your life...


Crossover, and hop...crossover, step back...and McGhee's soul began to leave his body.

McGhee's soul was upgraded to a first-class flight to Never-Never Land, Parts Unknown, and Death Valley, as Kemba Walker elevated and hit the game-winner for the UConn Huskies with his fall-back baby jumper hitting nothing but the bottom of the net. Witnesses say that Walker exited MSG with the exuberance of a fat kid who loves cake, this man is armed and dangerous and there is a bounty on his head by the Pittsburgh Police Department. If you have any clues of the whereabouts of Mr. Peterson, please contact the authorities immediately.

Witnesses also say that Mr. Wanamker was seen visibly sobbing in his hands asking God, "Why God? Why Gary? That was supposed to be MEEEEEEEEEE!" Authorities are also questioning Jim Calhoun's motives for this as Walker's got a previous history of hitting game-winners when he so desires.

Thank you.

-Ed.
www.edthesportsfan.com

P.S. As a reminder, checkout the livest sports talk show around, "The Unsportsmanlike Conduct Show" as we are live Wednesday's at 9pm Eastern at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/edthesportsfan! Download our podcasts if you missed the live show as well!

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