• Twitter
  • FB
  • IG
  • Youtube

Today's Obituaries - Chukwuemeka "Emeka" Ndubuisi Okafor (1982-2011)

Chukwuemeka Ndubuisi Okafor, also known as Emeka Okafor, 28, was born on September 28, 1982 in Houston, Texas. Okafor was laid to rest on Tuesday, April 26th, 2011 after an apparent murder in the first degree at the rim by Kobe Bean Bryant. Emeka is most notably known for being the #2 pick in the 2004 NBA draft, just behind one Dwight Howard. The pallbearers for Okafor's burial will be his four teammates in the starting lineup: Chris Paul, Willie Green from Detroit, Trevor Ariza and Carl Landry. A special scholarship has been created in honor of Emeka for "valor in stupidity in the lane by centers in the 2004 draft" to honor those who have fallen to one Kobe Bryant.

Witnesses say Kobe, 32, was already pissed about spraining his ankle while trying to defend Willie Green from Detroit. His center was playing real soft, his point guard was getting annihilated on every single play, and his coach looked like he wanted to go hiking up Mount Rushmore in South Dakota. "Who sprains their ankle trying to guard Willie Green from Detroit?" Kobe asked himself, and as Game 5 was playing out his center was playing like one-ply toilet paper, like left out Country Crock buter, like baby poo, and like fairies' wishes. The point guard was nowhere to be found, and the coach was over there repeating some indecipherable mantra.

Bean was pissed.

Kobe tore off his #24 jersey and revealed his old #8 jersey from his younger days, he somehow grew an afro in 3.8 seconds, and his ankle felt like he was back at Lower Merion.

Kobe rose up from about 5 feet behind the dotted and begun to achieve the iso-motion. Many in the crowd said that Okafor had the best intentions in the world, that he really thought he was going to block Kobe's dunk. Emeka also apparently believes in the tooth fairy and still thinks that Tupac is alive...wait, what?

Reports have surfaced that Mr. Bryant evidently went on a killing spree and Carl Christopher Landry, 27, was also taken out as an innocent bystander. After the melee, Kobe somehow helped the Lakers beat the Hornets 4-2 in 5 games. Cheryl Miller says that there was this glassy-eyed look in Kobe's face that she hadn't seen since Kobe was winning 34 games a year and scoring 35 points a game. "He just doesn't care anymore," Cheryl said.

Dwight Howard was unavailable for comment.


P.S. As a reminder, checkout the livest sports talk show around, "The Unsportsmanlike Conduct Show" as we are live Wednesday's at 9pm Eastern at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/edthesportsfan! Download our podcasts if you missed the live show as well!


Get in touch with me


275 Park View Terrace Oakland CA 94610

Phone number