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Today's Obituaries - Brendan Todd Haywood (1979-2011)

Brendan Todd Haywood, 31, passed away on Thursday, May 19th, 2011. He was born on November 27th, 1979 in New York City. He's most known for his collegiate years at North Carolina, and being built as a prototype center in the NBA and yet playing like a charmin-esque softy with no spine whatsoever.

Witnesses say that Kevin Wayne Durant, 22, was accused of assault with a deadly weapon. Durant, a cold-blood assassin who reads children's books to the kids, walks old ladies across the street, and performs surgeries with Timothy Tebow in the off-season was simply in the wrong place at the wrong time. As the referees called a technical foul against the phenom, the crew basically admitted that he murdalized the 7-foot softie, what had actually happened was suicide by the big man for the Dallas Mavericks.

In Game 2 of the Western Conference Semifinals, Durant got the ball on the top of the wing and with the 87-year old Predrag Stojakovic guarding him, his only goal was to get to the rim. Little did he know that Haywood would be waiting under the rim with a kitana (samurai blade) pointed at his gut in his hands.


What was interesting was that as Haywood inserted his kitana into his spleen, folks thought he was honorable. You know....taking a charge for the team. Drawing a foul. When in actuality, his incredulous act pissed Durant all the way the hell off and made the man go into an epic tirade on how dishonorable Haywood was. I mean damn homie, you are 85 inches tall! Come on up here and block this dunk attempt. Durant didn't utilize that elevated assault at the rim for just nothing. THIS IS A CHALLENGE! Haywood was a coward, and took himself out with a stab wound.


A scholarship foundation has been created called the "Gentle Giant Fund" by Danny Schayes, Bill Wennington, Channing Frye, and of course...the Pau-sey Cat, Pau Gasol. Getting dunked on without trying to block the shot is the ultimate dishonor, and we've go to raise our young big men better than that. Be a got damned man. Shit.

-Ed.
www.edthesportsfan.com

P.S. As a reminder, checkout the livest sports talk show around, "The Unsportsmanlike Conduct Show" as we are live Wednesday's at 9pm Eastern at http://www.blogtalkradio.com/edthesportsfan! Download our podcasts if you missed the live show as well!

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