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ETSF's #NBArank: The 10 Players You'd Never Want On Your Team

ETSF and the band of hooligans affiliated with this site are ranking every NBA player that you would never, under any circumstance, want on your team. We're counting them down on Twitter (@edthesportsfan), from No. 10 to No. 1.

The conversation and dialogue that has been shared with the people over the last few days in regards to ESPN's #NBArank has been sad, comical, and infuriating. You see, the debate between who the best players are in the league is a truly difficult one. No one will ever agree on hardly anything.

"Kobe's #7? In what lifetime is Kobe the 7th best player in basketball?"

"Chris Paul's #4? He's not even the best point guard in the league!"

"LeBron's #1? Go run into traffic."

So while people may not be able to agree on who's the best, I figured we could all agree on who's the worst...or at least, who are the people you'd NEVER want to see on your basketball team. Some are current players, a few are past players who could think about making a comeback. For the sake of our sanity...please stay away.

Here are the 10 players you'd never want on your basketball team. Ever.

#10. Paul Pierce

No one is ever going to forget that this dude "supposedly" hurt his knee, had to be carried off the court, carted off in a wheelchair, and then 15 minutes later acted like nothing ever happened. That's just plain unacceptable.

Plus, his beard really sucks. Its not even a beard, or a goatee, its just patches of hair that look like the Galapagos Islands or when you open a bag of Skittles and 5 or 6 of 'em just fall out of the bag randomly...that's what Paul Pierce's face looks like. Stay away from my team man, you can't trust people who can't properly grow facial hair.

#9. Mike Bibby

Maybe its because we remember how great you were in Sacramento, but man Mike Bibby is terrible now. Plus, as the homie Darius points out, he kinda reminds us of Keroppi.

#8. Erick Dampier

Three reasons...

One, his middle name is Travez.

Two, Shaq called him Ericka Dampier and I struggle to not call him or any person I know named Eric anything other than Ericka.

Three, at one time this man said he was the best big man in the West behind Shaq. No man....no.

#7. Damien Wilkins

When Damien Wilkins came into the league, I think its safe to say that we were all excited to see a descendant of the Dominique Wilkins gene pool resurfacing in NBA arenas. The only problem is...Damien Wilkins sucks. The homie Trey Kerby pointed out that while in Seattle, he froze out Kevin Durant on numerous occasions. The man has a bald dome, and that looks terrible. He clearly should be rocking a Wilkins-esque box. They're back in style now! Plus, every time I see him I'd get angry because of how much he's not like Dominique. Stay away from my team, you fraud.

#6. (2-way tie) Rashard Lewis and Vince Carter

Just thinking of how much money these two guys have made and how lethargic and pitiful they look on the court would make me want to throw hot dogs at them. Somehow Rashard Lewis is the 2nd-highest paid player in the league ($22M in 2011-12) and he's a poor man's Detlef Schrempf. Vince is infuriating because of that damn beard, he's not cool enough to wear a beard like that.

Of course...when we talk about contracts, beards, and being lethargic...

#5. Gilbert Arenas

There was a time in my life where Gilbert Arenas was my favorite player. Now, I have to worry if he's going to pistol-whip the head coach...drop a deuce in a teammate's Nike's...or if he's going to pay his wager money on a poker game. Nah. He can stay away from my team all day.

#4. Eric Snow

I can't think of one skill that Eric Snow had other than, "being a positive influence in Allen Iverson's life on and off the court." Hell, I think he sucked at that too.

Or as the homie Dragonfly Jonez so eloquently stated,
"Back in college we'd turn on the Sixers game and play the 'Let's Get High and laugh at how wack Eric Snow is' game."

#3. Andray Blatche

There might not be a more debilitating experience than watching Andray Blatche play basketball. The man plays ball with the same desire as a third-grader has in cleaning his room or taking out the trash. For a man as physically talented as Blatche is, you might as well take an ice pick and shove it in your eyes when watching him play. Cancerous would be an understatement, and yet the Wizards keep giving the man 20-30 minutes a game to prove how utterly terrible he is. Please keep him away from my team.

#2. J.R. Smith

There might not be a more confounding player in the NBA as Earl Smith, III. Per the bearded one Kenny Masenda back in February:

"He’s a man who has enough talent, natural ability, and pure skill to win a three-point contest and a dunk contest during All-Star weekend."


"With all that said, I’ve never seen a player more erratic, more maddening to watch, and more conflicted than J.R. Swish."

You know why J.R. Smith is erratic, maddening, and conflicted? Because he's friggin crazy, that's why. There's no reason in life to ever want this man on your team. He might dunk on an opponent one play, then punch a ref in the face. You don't want that.

#1. Ricky Davis

Well, he was last seen as a member of the Clippers, but his current whereabouts are somewhere in between Death Valley, Parts Unknown, and France. Whatever team Ricky Davis played for ended up dying a slow death like a flower that doesn't get sunlight or water. His talent was all-star worthy, except he had the mental capacity of this paper clip I'm using to clean my nails. Currently, he's in France and honestly...that's where he needs to stay. Learn the land, pillage the townspeople for their life force, and stay away from our teams.

This music is hilarious, by the way.

Okay, so here's our ten. Who did we leave off? Let us know your thoughts!



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